A RE-SET ::

spring 2023

i believe life is continually inviting us in for deeper purpose-ful experiences. We get to choose when to say yes.

I started this blog nine years ago, originally as a place to provide ideas about sustainable living. It organically evolved over the years, serving as a place where I was able to write my thoughts through the conundrums of life.

As with many things in life, its primacy in my life shifted over the years even as I worked internally with questions like, ‘am I providing vlue?’ ‘Is this self-centered or ego-centric?’ ‘What is the pupose of these writings existing in the world?’

The domain and server space comes due every three years and it’s been time to assess. I had been mulling it over for about two months prior, and was ready to let it go. The time came to rip down the content and back it up to the hard drive in preparation for selling the domain. And I just couldn’t do it.

The questions above still apply. I’m giving myself the permission to explore them here, and one year with monthly deadlines to see if I’m motivated to follow through with my writing. If at the end of the year, it has dwindled off yet again, it’s bye bye!

I was prompted towards this solution after listening last year to a little book, Goodbye Things by Fumio Sasaki. One of his (many!) suggestions is to take a photo of any objects you are ready to release. Another is to put them in a box in a closet and see if you are compelled to pull it out and add it to your everyday life again. There are many more practical suggestions, side by side with interesting thoughts to explore around why you might be holding onto something, and if it still makes sense for you to continue holding.

(Aging is not for the timid, and releasing things no longer needed — particularly as we age — is a practice.)

What are you ready to let go of? Or, as Pema Chodron suggests, what are you ready to let be?

I’m excited about releasing the contents of my storage unit! After one year of visiting my “stuff” fairly rarely (and 7 years of paying monthly, sheesh!), I’ve made new plans to load all of it into a truck and have a huge multi-family garage sale with friends this fall. I’m energized to think about all of the new space I’ll be creating in my life as I let go of the old. I’m saying yes to creating space in my life for what comes next.

I’m am releasing as well old ways of being and reacting (instead of responding). I have finally found a weekly/monthly/goal system that helps me to stay on top of the daily tasks that add up to the annual changes.

I am embracing, again, teachers I have found over the years who provide real world day-to-day motivation and solutions that keep me on track and in action mode. In addition to my clients and coaching work I love, I am writing again, being coached and taking classes — i love learning something new every day and digging deep to ascertain that I am on my path, being true to myself and the divine.

namasté: the being in me bows to the being in you.

TRAVELS WITH LOUIE :: FINAL NIGHT ON THE ROAD

thursday october 7 2020

a big roaring fire, even after i gave the last bundle of wood away. a starry night, not too cold.

sitting on a big log stump, huge really, maybe two feet in diameter, feeling the warmth of the fire on my back. the wood smoke still brings back too many memories of the fires on the coast of california, oregon and washington.

louie is stretched out with his back to the heat and light, half on and half off his camping pad. i’ll need to brush him before we head to sleep tonight as he’s picked up every needle on the forest floor here in Bryce.

details to pack up will come with the dawn. right now it’s time for contemplation and even the sweet nothingness/everything of the wood burning, the soft sigh of the evening breeze — nearly a presence in and of itself — the murmuring sound of other voices at other campfires, and many memories wanting to crowd in from the seven thousand mile journey this summer.

so many firsts and stretching the edge of my comfort zone. roads taken and camps made where i never had ventured before. and because of this, even greater horizons exposed.

people met and conversations had. connections made, and lost. sweet dreams and nightmares too. things that go bump and whir in the night and deep dreamless naps in afternoon sunshine with only the wind in pine boughs for company.

massive amounts of solid creative fun satisfying work — so enjoyable i have a hard time classifying it as work. this is simply how i live well.

louie is impatient and ready to climb into our tent. the flames have died down, now only embers glow. it gets just a touch cooler, jeans and cashmere are comfort.

may we all continue to live our edges to the fullest. best to each of you. namasté.

Photo of a young Louie the blue poodle sitting on his camping mat. In the background is our tent and in the foreground, my laptop is set up alongside fresh water and an apples and peanut butter snack.
A photograph looking through the passenger side window down onto the Columbia River as if crosses from Washington to Oregon. We are overlooking Hood River. The Columbia is shining blue under a blue sky.
Camping in Seattle Washington you can see Louie the blue poodle on a long line with our tent in the background on a grassy meadow. A red picnic table has water and books to read waiting on it.
Louie the blue poodle faces right, looking into the distance on buttes in red, sandy Utah. The sun is angled low and setting.

I CANNOT PRETEND TO KNOW ANY NEXT STEPS

august 23, 2019

Can my current habits carry me to my desired future?

a few years back, i made a lot of new and interesting friends simply because i stayed real. i’m in that place again. i’ve no clue as to how i ‘fell out’ of that place, regardless. here i am.

i’m 57. (yikes! when did that happen?!) i am blessed to live with a beautiful guide dog puppy who is reminding me to simply live every moment. because, jeezum, our pets (and our kids) are simply in the now. and that’s the only place to be. right here and right now is the only place i can be, it’s simply the laws of nature.

i cannot pretend to know any of the next steps. laughing to self! I do not have a crystal ball that tells me where I should be and what happens next.

i do know that i can travel and be myself, regardless of where the travels take me.

i am fluid. i co-exist naturally. i allow the moment… as much as i know how.

i learn from my environment. i learn from the people surrounding me. i learn because i listen, deeply.

my question has become, how do i take all of this and also turn it into an income.

i’m getting real here.

we’ve all seen it, the friends or mentors who have created these lifestyles they share on social media. the money they make, and what it allows them to purchase.

what if we were to focus simply on living our own lives to the best of our ability?

what would THAT look like?

what if we lived in a town in Idaho, or Ohio or California and the coolest thing that was happening was that our families are happy? our children are becoming people who live authentically? we are creating environments where human peoples thrive (not just survive)? we are living in a place where we can be ourselves?

so much of the current culture takes away our humanity and our huge hearts. it says to ignore who we are and to strive for some ideal that means nothing.

we can choose to follow ways of being that strive for someone else’s goal.

and we can choose to follow our own whole hearted (dare I say heart centered?) goals.

what’s your choice?

when i make a choice that affects my income, my livelihood, simultaneously i get to choose how to live my life while creating the money/resources needed in our culture to thrive.

here’s the thing, as we live in the USA, we have a capitalist culture. Let’s simply say that fact. As such, I can choose to opt in, or opt out. I value anyone who can actually figure out a way to opt out and make it work. heaven knows that’s what I have been trying to do for all of my years on this planet.

When I choose to opt in, I find I’ve created this world where I do the things I love and am talented at and that is how i make the money needed to continue to live in this culture. It’s such an interesting conundrum because I am feeling my natural desire to simply keep helping, talking and being with others, and then needing to charge for that innate wisdom because I have to pay for shelter and food.

As I’ve shared, if you can get on the road and even just temporarily break the paradigms, what happens when you question everything?

again, what’s your choice?

DEFINING SUCCESS

april 2, 2019

for some years now, i have continued coming back around to this definition of success, as it resonates deeply for me. in some way, shape or form the goals below have become my personal manifesto. I see them as the fuller description of ‘Be here now. and come from Love.’

SUCCESS IN LIFE could be defined as the continued expansion of happiness and the progressive realization of worthy goals.

It is the ability to fulfill your desires with effortless ease.

Aspects of success include

… material abundance in all its expressions
… good health, energy and enthusiasm for life
… fulfilling relationships
… creative freedom emotional and psychological stability
… a sense of well-being and peace of mind

It includes curiosity and willingness and the courage to live wholeheartedly.

Affluence is the abundant flow of all good things to you, and from you to others.


::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

AND, even with the experience of all these things, we will remain unfulfilled unless we nurture the seeds of divinity inside us.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

“We are divinity disguised, and all that is within us seeks to be fully materialized. True success is therefore the experience of the miraculous. It is the unfolding of divinity within us. It is the perception of divinity wherever we go, in whatever we perceive.

When we begin to perceive our life as the miraculous expression of divinity, then we will know the true meaning of success.” :: deepak chopra

these are just some of my thoughts along the path to help you refine your own personal definition of success. make it a beautiful day!

WHOEVER, HOWEVER, WHENEVER

july 27, 2018

whoever, however and whenever you love….. just do it.

i

cannot

say

how

much

i

would

give

to

have

my

jax

boy

nestled

alongside

me,

with his head

cradled in my lap.

 

 

whoever however and whatever you LOVE, may you honor and love in return. godspeed in all.

NICKEL YEARS

july 7, 2018

Five years ago on my 50th birthday, I was living a life fraught with contradictions. In Colorado, but not the town I loved. Working, but not in the industry I loved. Living a life I was choosing even as I knew some things were deeply unaligned.

My dad’s health had been failing since brain surgery two years prior and I lived too far away to visit. With his brain damage telephone calls were beyond painful — listening to my intelligent, creative father struggle for simple words and get frustrated with himself. The recession had left my partner and I in a poor financial situation and travel was out of the question. My problem was, I thought I had time. I kept thinking and believing that my situation was going to get better, even as circumstances continued to be the lie to that belief.

On this day five years ago, my dad was very ill. He ate little and went to sleep in the sun, with his trusty earbuds and music, his towel and his water. His heart stopped laying out there by the pool. No one around him even knew.

Ironically, I now live about six minutes away from their home in Palm Springs. I’ve lived out here almost a year now and it’s hard to count how many times I’ve kicked myself for not being this close years ago. What I wouldn’t give to have been able to visit him and my mom weekly, to share his life more deeply. I’ll probably always feel as if I was just getting to know him as an adult and then he was gone.

I think dad’s last months found him frustrated, and tired. I too was frustrated — with myself for not being able to create the situation to visit. And tired of my excuses to myself.

… . … . . . . .. . . . . . . …….. . . . . . . . …….. .. . ..

Every day I have again the opportunity to change. Grow. Be better. “Do normal” as they say in the Netherlands. This morning I pledge again to renew my commitment to living, growing, changing. I accept and surrender to all that is the past and I know that what is happening right here and right now is the most important place I can be, and the most important thing for me to do.

I commit to remembering that we merely “think” we have time, while practicing time in the present moment.

At this moment of commemoration I pledge to honor the lives of my dad, and Jax, by living fully right here and right now. I love you both. I miss you like hell.

Sandy and Bob are picgured in the kitchen at Thanksgiving, prepping the big meal. They are both smiling.

INTO THE ETHER

december 18, 2016

IN MY RECENT PAST, I HAD THESE SEVEN YEARS OF MY LIFE THAT SEEMED TO DISAPPEAR INTO THE ETHER.

during that time I met and helped to raise a wonderful 4-year-old boy, and his 7-year-old sister.

Last month my step daughter turned 16. I was with them for seven transformative years. I am SO grateful for those years.

I can only hope that I brought them as much love as I received. that is my dearest wish.

It’s been two years since I’ve known how they are doing. This not knowing and simply hoping and sending lovingkindness and heart and health and love is beyond challenging to bear at times, perhaps most so during holidays and birthdays and anniversaries. And then, this changing is the only thing to bear. Do I wish I could change circumstances? So much so.

And yet, like so many challenges and difficulties in life, here it is. My only choice is to hold it and love it, because I refuse to deny it. I lean in, I listen to my heart, I hear the messages and the lessons.

This is what i have.

I hope they have full, happy, healthy, loving lives. I hope their hearts and days are full of amazing experiences. I sincerely hope their lives bring them joy and success and fun. I send them more growth and change in life. I keep sending love. This is the same love and growth I send to each of us on this ever-changing path in life.

I release. I surrender. I allow. namasté.

THE POWER OF RENEWAL

october 21, 2016

to allow ourselves to touch and be touched creates powerful stories and connection. when i’m talking about touch, i’m talking about multiple definitions… when i allow my soul to be touched, i am consciously allowing myself to be vulnerable to all of life. i am allowing myself to be moved by the simple beauty of a leaf, shimmering with mist and spinning in a light breeze. i am allowing myself to be pierced by the aching beauty of being with another soul through a dark night or phase in their life. when i am vulnerable i can hold space for all the wonder and unknown mysteries that life and choosing growth can bring. i can awaken every morning renewed in my efforts to keep on with becoming a more courageous and kind person.

when i sink into allowing myself physical touch, it awakens my senses. when i allow my body to fully revel in its world it means i am open to allowing my wise body to feel its feelings, and to take breath and feel what it is like for that breath to oxygenate my cells and to connect my body and mind more deeply. it means i can allow physical touch in for healing and for a more full immersion of what it is to love and be loved.

both senses of “being touched” work singly; taken together they begin to help me craft a new life where i am more fully whole, more integrated (not disintegrated) and more open. i’m grateful for both.

today i feel into my heart to listen and hold anothers. today i remain open. today i stand in strength and flexibility. i allow life in to shape and shift mine for serving with love. today i surrender, as i try to do every single morning. i re-commit to growth and change and know the sweetness, and bittersweet too, will flow in. the past has no meaning, the future isn’t here. i have right now to keep being the best i know to be.
namasté.

#namaste #touch #vulnerable

Stacked gG

SOMETIMES WE ARE ALLOWED TO SEE THE PASSAGE OF TIME. SQUIRREL!

september 8, 2016

sometimes we are allowed to see the passing of time. today, in day 11 of my self-directed metta practice I started with exactly where I am. Mostly simply because I don’t know of any other place to be. (small lol there)

earlier, I saw a sweet selection of some pix from 12-13 years ago. I was about 40, jax was a puppy. I had/have never had a dog before and I learned everything from scratch. I made some mistakes and we had many glorious successes. we were “young” pups together.

as i look back on these incredibly succulent memories I simply smile and grin with happiness.

sometimes in the moment I don’t always see how incredible it was until later when I get to revisit it. it’s all okay. i do believe it would be amazing to just fully Be in the moment, every time. Simply, sometimes I’m not up to it. I’m just way too human… Jax does better at the in the moment stuff than I do, for sure. Sometimes I’m just not time-mature enough to see what is really happening right in front of me until later. I’m guessing you’ve had this happen to you?

 as i lean into tonight’s metta, I am also leaning into the touchstone that this beautiful jax boy creature has been for me that is at the same time both hauntingly beautiful and a bit heartbroken. I know for a fact I don’t get this kind of simple sweet loyal unconditional love for forever in this physical world. he will pass, and so will I.
namasté.